15

Apr

I Can’t Really Call IT!

ImageEver feel like something is wrong but you just can’t put your finger on it? I can’t really say “how I am feeling” outside of that I am feeling some type of way. Could it be that I transitioned into a new job & everything seems so damn foreign to me? I went from an environment of security to feeling a bit insecure in my new endeavors. It could just be the ultimate feeling of “fear”, but fear of what? Fear of not succeeding?

I am just confused, I don’t know how to feel. Therefore, not sure how to solve my problem, the factors are all there but I can’t seem to fit them into an equation. I know one thing is for sure I am NOT doing what I am destined to do. This CANNOT be the path the good Lord had in store for me, a stepping stone to being on my way YES! I refuse to think this is what I am supposed to do for the rest of my life; to be at someone else’s beckoning call, YEA NO THANKS!

Don’t get me wrong I am extremely grateful for having a job, but I just can’t help but to feel that this isn’t exactly the PLAN he had in store for me. Did I jump the gun to quick? Should I have waited out my old position? There are SO many “I shoulda/coulda’s”it would take me a lifetime to list them ALL!

My starting point is ME and so is my ending point…how it ends is how I start! That being said I have decided to FOCUS on what I WANT from this LIFE…not what this LIFE can give me. I don’t have the patience to wait on LIFE. Therefore, I am taking what belongs to me, I will NOT lose my faith & even though I do NOT understand how I am feeling, I trust the good LORD will deliver me from this rut. He will take my hand & lead me to the next plateau.

I have been told, I have read, I have heard that the BIGGEST challenge to keeping Faith is to BELIEVE even when you don’t understand. I definitely DO NOT understand because at the moment I CANNOT find the words to describe the anguish I feel deep down. I am certain of ONE thing for sure, no matter how great my anguish is the LOVE of Him is far greater. I have Faith He will deliver me. I am letting go & letting God!

 

 

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39 days ago Short URL Comments

Life

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08

Oct

Trust Is Just as Precious as Saying “I Love You”!

Recently I found myself in a situation that still hasn’t settled with me. It’s been over two weeks & it feels like as it just happened a few moments ago. I am HUGE on trust & I make this very clear to anyone that I deal with especially the opposite sex.

At times I think it’s my fault because depending on the vibes/connection I have with a person, I find myself trusting too soon. I mean damn must I run a background check these days? If I am HONEST with you, then I expect that in return. Unfortunately, some people don’t hold TRUST in such a high regard like I do.

I am NOT saying that I have NEVER lied because I have, however giving an excuse as to why you are late to work, or why you are taking a personal day etc…to me those are what I call white lies. Now those I maybe guilty of more than I am willing to admit (LOL). I just don’t play with people’s emotions, because I know what it’s like to be scorned (I have been hurt plenty & have hurt in return). There is NOTHING refreshing about being scorned, it’s a wound that takes its time to heal. A wound that you can be constantly reminded of in several different instances.

I am just so distraught over this particular person’s actions because I really thought we were friends. I already have trust issues as is, but when I call someone my FRIEND then I expect just that. Maybe I am wrong for expecting shit, or I just give too much with very little in return. I wouldn’t usually be this upset about the BS that happened a couple weeks ago, but I just cannot seem to move past this one. Just knowing that I wasn’t respected enough to be told the truth hurts beyond words.

No matter if I have forgiven this person or not I just can’t seem to forgive the fact that I was lied to. Especially after giving this person a fair warning to come clean & yet I was still lied too. The more I think about it the more elaborate the lie was, I just don’t understand how you say you care for someone but yet you do them so wrong.

Had to vent…for those that have/will read this thanks!

 

 

 

227 days ago Short URL Comments

Entertainment Gossip, & News

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14

Jun

How Much Can One Really Handle?

This week has been an extremely emotional one for me & it’s far from over. I got word that my Uncle Alex passed away on Tuesday morning & I just received an email a little bit ago informing me that my friend’s father had to have his leg amputated. Not only did he have to suffer through that but it seems like there is some sort of toxin attacking his stomach & had to go into surgery a little over an hour ago.

I am usually the stronger person of the bunch, but this week is a week that I wish I could be weak. I don’t want to be strong, I don’t want to be the ear that listens, I don’t want to be the shoulder that is cried on, I just want to be the weak link just for once. It’s not always easy being strong, because in moments like this we strong ones need to be able to feel vulnerable.

I have prayed for strength for my friends/family/loved ones that have either suffered the loss of a loved one and/or those that are facing tremendous medical issues. I am a true believer that the good Lord doesn’t ever give us more than we can handle.

Even though in the midst of turmoil it may seem like what we are facing dead on is never ending. There is always light, when things are dark. The task at hand is not losing focus of the light that is yet to be shed. In the darkest moment, you shall always shine…where there is a will there is always a way.

343 days ago Short URL Comments

Family/Life

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12

Apr

Sometimes…I Just Want To Walk

so far, that I can’t be seen in the darkest hour

or at least be able to hit a reset button

the moment that something ticks me off, I should have a PAUSE button to hit

a REWIND button to press & re-record button to start again

given I know this isn’t possible but it sure would be nice

I feel that some days I am pushed in ways I didn’t think I could be

it could just be that I give too much of myself

expect little in return, when I should expect the same in return

everyone wants something but no one is willing to give

like vultures they just take, take, and keep on taking

maybe it’s that I am too passionate about most of the things I do

I don’t see anything in black & white

it’s always in color, could that be my downfall?

or maybe it’s because I am set in my ways

I don’t know nor do I really care to find out

all I know is I wish I could have a REMOTE CONTROL to my LIFE

because I could sure rewind today & start it all over

 

406 days ago Short URL Comments

Life

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07

Mar

DOWNLOAD: Chrys Banger “Forever Love” FT. Erika David

“Forever Love”, written, produced, & performed by up & coming music producer/songwriter Chrys Banger (@ItsChrys_Banger), is the first record released from Chrys’ forthcoming EP- “Hello…I LOVE YOU!..Goodbye”. The EP is set to be released soon. “Forever Love”, which features up & coming R&B/Pop star Erika David (@ErikaDavid), depicts a story from Chrys’ life, about the struggles with love and finally falling for that special person.

DOWNLOAD LINK

442 days ago Short URL Comments

Music

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24

Feb

I miss the 90′s…this is so so so so real for me right now, it’s crazy!!! Given we gotta switch out the she for he her for him & Queen for KING lol… I will never regret how I feel about you I just wish I could FORGET sometimes…because it would be so much easier, but friends first & friends always!!! You have seriously become a heartbeat to me…#mysmile (you know who you are)

 

455 days ago Short URL Comments

Music

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19

Feb

20120219-132319.jpg

460 days ago Short URL Comments

Love

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14

Feb

DOWNLOAD: Tai Katz “Love Sucks”

CLICK to DOWNLOAD!!!

Make sure to follow him on Twitter @Tai_Katz

 

464 days ago Short URL Comments

Music

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14

Feb

Valentine’s Day, SHOULD Be EVERYDAY

From a woman’s perspective I totally get the MUSHY sentiments behind this day, but in all honesty you should feel LOVED everyday. If you are a GREAT WOMAN to your man, then he should be a GREAT MAN and appreciate you everyday. Not just on a HALLMARK CARD DAY like today, of course we all LOVE to be spoiled, wine and dined, taken out to the movies, flowers bought for us but these actions should never stem from a “it’s VALENTINE’S DAY” so I have to do it.

LOVE is not a holiday type feeling, it is a feeling that grows everyday. Especially, when you know in your heart that the person (your significant other) is the one. You (both men/women) should express your LOVE on a daily basis, it doesn’t necessarily have to entail a gift. It just means that you are taking the time, making the effort to let that person know…just how much you care for them.

Do you LOVE the person more today because it’s VALENTINE’S not at all, this day was MOST LIKELY made up by a WOMAN that was lacking LOVE…saying this DAY is the DAY a MAN should go all out for his WOMAN, I think it’s just crazy SH*T period!!!!

In my honest opinion I think it should be vice-versa, if a WOMAN has a GREAT MAN she should be wooing HIM on this day. Think about it besides Father’s Day (what if your MAN has no kids) what other DAY is dedicated to APPRECIATING A GREAT MAN? NONE, so why is that we WOMAN think that today is all about US? I personally think that WOMEN should make more of an effort on this day, especially if she has a GREAT MAN. Yes it takes a GREAT MAN to KEEP a GREAT WOMAN but I think we are far more appreciated than the MALE SPECIES.

For me materialistic things have NEVER mattered to me and/or flattered me, but knowing that my MAN has my back…when all odds are against me is what will make me NOT STRAY. Knowing my MAN is stronger than me and in my moments of weakness & can give me strength, is what will make me STAY.

Gifts can be bought at any time or any other holiday, but to give someone your HEART and truly LOVE them is the most precious gift of all.

However, shout out to all you LOVERS…may your day be filled with FUN & LOTS OF HUMPING!!! LOL

464 days ago Short URL 1 Comment

Love

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13

Feb

Beat Produced by: @Kountdownbeats
Lyrics & Video by: @Mickstillz
Assistant Directors: @mr7th_letter & @chicity_JB

465 days ago Short URL Comments

Music

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