To my readers I usually don’t get this personal or shall say I haven’t in awhile but I felt the need to express a very dark place in my LIFE…this by NO means is for anyone to feel pity for me but I wanted to share my thoughts because I know someone out there has felt the same pain I have…behind my DAD not being around. As a parent, I cannot understand how a MOTHER/FATHER doesn’t love their child(ren) unconditionally.
I just wanted to let you know that I forgive you, this has taken me 28 years to write/type/put into words; but I figure since we are going into a new year…there are some demons I need to rid from my closet. Before I go on, I want you to know that I am no longer angry with you, nor do I feel any type of resentment. I hope wherever you are & if you ever see this blog/letter/post that you are in better spirits from the last time we spoke.
If you can recall our last conversation was not so pleasant but it’s OK I forgive you. I will always love you, you are my biological father but that’s about where it starts/ends. Bare in mind this is 28 years of pent-up feelings, that I have never felt should be released up until now. Let alone share with whomever might catch this blog/letter/post; but I figure there are more people out there like me that feel the same towards their father.
For so long I have held back what I have wanted to say to you, back in 2003 we had a blow out. Even then, when I was face to face with you I didn’t have enough courage to tell you exactly how I felt. Now that I am older & a parent myself I can express with no remorse what a DAMN DISAPPOINTMENT YOU TRULY ARE.
I never understood how you couldn’t love me unconditionally, how you only came around when things between you & my mother were good. I thought it was my fault for so long, that it was me that pushed you away & made you stop loving my MOM. I know now that it was you; it was the person you had become through your alcohol & drug use. It was never ME & most definitely wasn’t my MOM!
I will never in my life get why you couldn’t do for me like you did you other kids, but it’s OK because what you lacked in I made up for as I got older. The love you didn’t give me, I have gained through my son. The unconditional emotions I so much needed from you, I no longer need & to be honest I have come to find that I never did. You did me a favor by not being around, you made me unbreakable — from time to time I get dinged but never broken!
When you left, God reminded me that I had my two brothers to love me the way I needed to be loved. They taught me what it a REAL MAN was made up of; they are my backbone when I feel weak. Without my two brothers, my life would have turned out so much different. I would not be the woman I have turned out to be, so I guess you can take this as a THANK YOU.
THANK YOU for not being around, because if you would’ve have stayed I probably would have ended up a bitter person in all aspects of LIFE. As they say MISERY loves COMPANY & fortunate enough for me I don’t desire that type of COMPANY. I pray for your soul, I pray for you overall may God continue to soften your heart.
“I Forgive You”
For not loving me unconditionally
For not being there willingly
For not supporting my decisions
For not giving me any type of motivation in life
For not doing much but being a sperm donor
For not ever telling me how much I mean to you
For not showing me how much you care
For not calling me when you should have
For not tell me you missed me
For not being a FATHER when I needed one
For not fighting for me, & giving up on me
For not being a part of my life, when all I wanted was to be loved unconditionally
I forgive you for not being perfect…
P.S. to my brothers (Hector & Marlon) I love you more than you two will ever know, thank you for helping MOM raise me!!!