Ever feel like something is wrong but you just can’t put your finger on it? I can’t really say “how I am feeling” outside of that I am feeling some type of way. Could it be that I transitioned into a new job & everything seems so damn foreign to me? I went from an environment of security to feeling a bit insecure in my new endeavors. It could just be the ultimate feeling of “fear”, but fear of what? Fear of not succeeding?
I am just confused, I don’t know how to feel. Therefore, not sure how to solve my problem, the factors are all there but I can’t seem to fit them into an equation. I know one thing is for sure I am NOT doing what I am destined to do. This CANNOT be the path the good Lord had in store for me, a stepping stone to being on my way YES! I refuse to think this is what I am supposed to do for the rest of my life; to be at someone else’s beckoning call, YEA NO THANKS!
Don’t get me wrong I am extremely grateful for having a job, but I just can’t help but to feel that this isn’t exactly the PLAN he had in store for me. Did I jump the gun to quick? Should I have waited out my old position? There are SO many “I shoulda/coulda’s”it would take me a lifetime to list them ALL!
My starting point is ME and so is my ending point…how it ends is how I start! That being said I have decided to FOCUS on what I WANT from this LIFE…not what this LIFE can give me. I don’t have the patience to wait on LIFE. Therefore, I am taking what belongs to me, I will NOT lose my faith & even though I do NOT understand how I am feeling, I trust the good LORD will deliver me from this rut. He will take my hand & lead me to the next plateau.
I have been told, I have read, I have heard that the BIGGEST challenge to keeping Faith is to BELIEVE even when you don’t understand. I definitely DO NOT understand because at the moment I CANNOT find the words to describe the anguish I feel deep down. I am certain of ONE thing for sure, no matter how great my anguish is the LOVE of Him is far greater. I have Faith He will deliver me. I am letting go & letting God!